Another Annoying Dude (Tues May 5 2015)

[BenjaminT]

And if calling her Candi-nicknames bothered Candi to the extent she seems to display with Chris, why has she never just said "I want to go by my middle name"--a clear flag that would lead to that calm discussion considering Chris isn't an insensitive douchenozzle like Alex. I think secretly she likes the attention, just doesn't know how to deal with someone who isn't taking it out of grade school behavior.

I really dislike this argument and it is one of the main reasons I can't fully "ship" Chris-Candi. She says she doesn't like many of the things he does. She acts annoyed. But because her protests aren't strong enough or explicit enough she must secretly like it and so it's no big deal that he ignores when she says she doesn't like it or acts annoyed. Chris has that "I'm just joking so it's her problem if it bothers her (and I know it doesn't really bother her)" attitude. Even if she does secretly like it to an extent that should not give him permission to do what he wants when he wants even when she asks him not to.

I agree that Chris is in many ways more sensitive than Alex. He genuinely means well. But he's got to get over his okay-to-be-obnoxious-because-I'm-just-joking attitude. I think he may do just that and I look forward to it, but I'm not holding my breath.

And if calling her Candi-nicknames bothered Candi to the extent she seems to display with Chris, why has she never just said "I want to go by my middle name"--a clear flag that would lead to that calm discussion considering Chris isn't an insensitive douchenozzle like Alex.

What? So if someone repeatedly calls me Benji even when I correct them I should then ask to be called by my middle name in order to have a calm discussion? No. I'm sorry. If someone calls me Benji and I tell them, "No, my name is Ben," I would expect any halfway mature person (even a 12 year old) to call me Ben from then on. I shouldn't have to say it twice. I shouldn't have to accommodate by offering an alternative acceptable name. And if that person calls me Benji again and the second time I roll my eyes instead of tell them again, that should not in any way indicate to them that, oh, it's must be okay because this time he let it slide. Nor should it indicate in any way that I must secretly like the attention.

From Candi's perspective, you're right. If it REALLY bothers her, she should act differently at this point. I'd never suggest her offering an alternative name but she could say or do a lot to initiate a calm discussion to help him understand that it does bother her a lot. I don't think it annoys her enough to bother having some serious discussion about it but I bet it's more due to doubts that it would help than because she secretly likes the attention.

From Chris's perspective, he should respect her enough to stop, period. He shouldn't need hand holding to know when to stop. And this applies to more than just nicknames but everything he's done that' she's clearly indicated she doesn't like.

[Attalus]

From Chris's perspective, he should respect her enough to stop, period. He shouldn't need hand holding to know when to stop. And this applies to more than just nicknames but everything he's done that' she's clearly indicated she doesn't like.

All well and good, but names are not so equably handled by one's nearest and dearest. For instance, my sister routinely calls me my my hated middle name, and has for decades, despite repeated attempts by me to get her to stop. So, what do, I do? Ignore it. Some things aren't worth fighting over or even worrying about

[BenjaminT]

From Chris's perspective, he should respect her enough to stop, period. He shouldn't need hand holding to know when to stop. And this applies to more than just nicknames but everything he's done that' she's clearly indicated she doesn't like.

All well and good, but names are not so equably handled by one's nearest and dearest. For instance, my sister routinely calls me my my hated middle name, and has for decades, despite repeated attempts by me to get her to stop. So, what do, I do? Ignore it. Some things aren't worth fighting over or even worrying about

Agreed. Like I said, from Candi's perspective, if it really bothers her she needs to change her approach, but in the example I gave of someone calling me Benji, after an attempt to get it to stop I might just roll my eyes, ignore it, and try not to let it get to me. If it is someone that is one of my "nearest and dearest" I probably would be pretty successful in that attempt to not let it get to me as I'd have plenty of good to outweigh the occasional obnoxious. In the case of someone who is not so dear a friend, it would be somewhat harder to stop categorizing them as just some "annoying dude" in my mind. It sounds to me like that was mostly what Chris was to Candi all through her high school years. She's not as thin-skinned as Alex was over a one-time incident of a ball hitting him, so it's never led to any outright hatred or loathing. But she definitely wasn't even close enough to him to realize he was going to the same college as she was until she happened to bump into him on campus. Starting in college it's gradually changed. And if it was just the name thing, it probably wouldn't have been that big a deal. But it's been multiple things that apparently went on for some time in high school, too, and he knew it bothered her but kept on going to be funny or flirt or something. Even still, the past is the past, and she's starting to be less annoyed by it all, so I guess I wish her the best...but it's hard to ship their relationship due to how things have been.