"Yes I like him"

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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby LadyObvious23 » Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:52 pm

That's not how it works. You literally got no idea how open relationships work.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby the nightfly » Thu Jan 22, 2015 2:58 am

Am I the only one who can't figure out what the "feel" in the third panel is referring to -- is she saying she wishes she wasn't feeling jealous when Thad behaves exactly the way she insisted on from the get-go, or that she wishes she didn't feel like she wanted/needed to have multiple non-exclusive relationships? There's a pretty big difference between the two.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby SAGG » Thu Jan 22, 2015 4:36 am

Curious. Who changed my topic subject, and why? :?:
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby Kish » Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:28 am

Warrl wrote:The only implication I'm ignoring is one that anything a man says about gender or relationships is necessarily anti-women and you should keep reading it until you find how it's anti-women - because failure to do so is anti-women.

Sorry, that's where I feel like you're coming from.

redneck01 wrote:A man can have several girls, and consciously try to treat them each the same, and if he tries hard, will sort of mostly succeed. But usually he will not try and if he tries will not succeed. A girl won't even try, and in the unlikely event she tries, even less will she succeed.

I hope you feel silly now, Warrl.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby MorrisCat » Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:30 am

the nightfly wrote:Am I the only one who can't figure out what the "feel" in the third panel is referring to -- is she saying she wishes she wasn't feeling jealous when Thad behaves exactly the way she insisted on from the get-go, or that she wishes she didn't feel like she wanted/needed to have multiple non-exclusive relationships? There's a pretty big difference between the two.

I caught that there were multiple things she was wishing she didn't feel as well.
a. She could be feeling bad that she wants to not be tied down.
b. She could be bad about feeling jealous of Thad
c. She could just be wishing that she didn't feel bad about her jealousy.
d. She could just not want to feel so shy that she cannot speak to someone she is interested in.
e. A healthy mix of any or all of the above.

Granted option c. sounds like a harsh statement - indicating that on one level she might think she should be able to see multiple people but her partners should be committed only to her (and so her jealousy is justified). However she is human, young, and (thanks to her over-protective parents) inexperienced with any sort of romantic relationship, leaving her with few tools to cope with this situation. Poor, cute little bug.

Candi it seems is feeling a bit adrift in her own situation. She feels drawn to the guy who has not pursued her, has been there and supported her (in his odd sort of way) through some of her darker moments, and even saved her on a couple of occasions. But he sleeps around. But people can change, Chris seems to want something deeper. But Chris just coasts through life - he doesn't work hard, just plays sportball. But he doesn't coast, he works hard and he has plans for life. But OMG I HAVE 5 PAGES OF SKETCHBOOK DUE TOMORROW AND I CAN'T HATE THEM! I really hope that Candi can stop torturing herself with this so much.
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Postby benwhoski » Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:39 am

redneck01 wrote:
benwhoski wrote:It is entirely possible to have healthy open relationships where no one is "losing".


In practice, in open relationships, one man gets a lot more and better sex than any of the other men. And the other man picks up the socks.

A man can have several girls, and consciously try to treat them each the same, and if he tries hard, will sort of mostly succeed. But usually he will not try and if he tries will not succeed. A girl won't even try, and in the unlikely event she tries, even less will she succeed.

So, always winners and losers. It is a competition, not everyone can win, but everyone can lose.


I guess if the metric of fairness or satisfaction in the relationship is "everyone getting the same amount of identical sex", then that would be correct.

But, in practice, as each person involved is an individual with their own desires and needs, that's not really how it works. First, not everyone wants the same amount of sex, or likes the same flavors of sex. Some people don't even _like_ sex, but still enjoy romantic emotional attachments. Also, open relationships are not necessarily just about sex. Being "open" does not mean that the partners are interchangeable.

Yes, I treat my partners differently, because they are _different people_. We do different things when we're together (both inside and outside the bedroom), because they have different interests. One needs significantly more alone time than the other, so the amount of time spent together is different. That doesn't make one lesser than the other.

It's not about a scoreboard of "is Partner A getting more attention than Partner B?", it's a question of "Are both Partner A and Partner B getting what they want out of the relationship?" At least, this has been my own experience as a non-primary (by preference) poly woman.

And that last bit about how " A girl won't even try, and in the unlikely event she tries, even less will she succeed" is just incredibly sexist. So very nice to be told what I will and will not put effort into based entirely on my gender.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby Tandel » Thu Jan 22, 2015 2:33 pm

redneck01 wrote:In practice, in open relationships, one man gets a lot more and better sex than any of the other men. And the other man picks up the socks.

A man can have several girls, and consciously try to treat them each the same, and if he tries hard, will sort of mostly succeed. But usually he will not try and if he tries will not succeed. A girl won't even try, and in the unlikely event she tries, even less will she succeed.

So, always winners and losers. It is a competition, not everyone can win, but everyone can lose.


Oh man... Can I call you Edward-2 Electric Boogaloo? And like most sequels, inferior to the original.

The anti-sex rhetoric was bad, but this overt sexism might just be worse. Complete with a total ignorance of the physics of open-relationships with the cherry on top of judgment made on false pretenses.

Kish wrote:I hope you feel silly now, Warrl.

To be fair to Warrl, their logic and the above notion wasn't completely out of line. It's just unfortunate for them that it ended up being aligned with... well... this.

Even though the subtext of what started this hit me like it did Cliff (For goodness sake, the subtext was so thick it actually congealed its way into physical reality), I can see where Warrl's perspective is coming from when you miss it.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby ShadeTail » Thu Jan 22, 2015 3:27 pm

SAGG wrote:Curious. Who changed my topic subject, and why? :?:

There were two topics about the same daily comic, and they were merged. That's the reason for the change in subject line, but precisely how/why that changed the subject line is rather beyond me.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby Lelobebo » Thu Jan 22, 2015 4:19 pm

Can we please drop the commentary about what an open relationship is/isn't and whether or not its "unfair" or "less beneficial" or whatever for men vs women? Its bordering on some misogynistic rhetoric and doesn't really contribute to the discussion.

Doesn't this strip commentary still boil down more to the fact that Thad, even as infatuated as he was with Katia, still has the confidence/experience/chutzpah/whatever to still casually ask someone out? As far as we can tell, outside of Alex and Thad, Katia hasn't sought out anyone - by her own admission, she uses that "StdyDate" app for browsing. In the same vein, Candi can see Chris ask for a romantic relationship with Jess, get turned down, and bound back without much dwelling.

Katia may like someone a lot, but not want to date them exclusively. Katia may be physically attracted to someone, but not want to peruse sex. She's working through a lot of emotions and feelings she never got a chance to experience in high school, and has no one to really talk about it except Candi who is in a similar position.

Both Katia and Candi have some emotional maturing left to do - whether its nailing down what you want from a relationship to gaining the confidence to pursue what they want.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby SAGG » Thu Jan 22, 2015 4:48 pm

ShadeTail wrote:
SAGG wrote:Curious. Who changed my topic subject, and why? :?:

There were two topics about the same daily comic, and they were merged. That's the reason for the change in subject line, but precisely how/why that changed the subject line is rather beyond me.


But they were separate entries. It may have been on the same subject, but not the same entry... :?:
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby Warrl » Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:24 pm

Kish wrote:
Warrl wrote:The only implication I'm ignoring is one that anything a man says about gender or relationships is necessarily anti-women and you should keep reading it until you find how it's anti-women - because failure to do so is anti-women.

Sorry, that's where I feel like you're coming from.

redneck01 wrote:A man can have several girls, and consciously try to treat them each the same, and if he tries hard, will sort of mostly succeed. But usually he will not try and if he tries will not succeed. A girl won't even try, and in the unlikely event she tries, even less will she succeed.

I hope you feel silly now, Warrl.


Yeah, I feel really silly for judging what he meant in a certain statement based on what he said in that statement, as opposed to another statement he made *later* after the topic had drifted a bit.

I should realize that if anyone ever says any one thing that can possibly be interpreted as anti-women, it proves that EVERY statement they EVER made, before or after that, was anti-women.

Sorry, but in my reality women are not that fragile and I refuse to be that condescending.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby ShadeTail » Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:01 pm

SAGG wrote:
ShadeTail wrote:
SAGG wrote:Curious. Who changed my topic subject, and why? :?:

There were two topics about the same daily comic, and they were merged. That's the reason for the change in subject line, but precisely how/why that changed the subject line is rather beyond me.


But they were separate entries. It may have been on the same subject, but not the same entry... :?:

This forum doesn't have much in the way of serious organization. But one of the few rules we do have is one topic per daily comic.
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Re: "Yes I like him"

Postby redneck01 » Sat Jan 24, 2015 4:14 pm

clif wrote:Well yes, I grant all the hypotheticals and levels of reality, but in context do you really doubt that redneck01 was indirectly making a comment about women?

And what was the comment I was making about women?
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