"So I'm Thinking of Moving Out" - 12/29/2014

[shadowfey]

Chiming in to second what Fereshte says here. As someone over the age of majority/consent, nobody has the right to step into a parental role for me. Some people have the right to express their opinions to me (and have those opinions duly considered, but not necessarily agreed with). Anyone who tries to decide things for me is not a true friend. The best that I could say for such people is that they might mean well - but their choice of behavior would still make me rethink that friendship in a hurry.

My husband is free with his opinions, but he would never try to cut off communications between me and someone else, because he respects me as a person and recognizes that I am autonomous from him.

[edward18]

I'm curious as to why you guys refer to it as a "parent" role.

[Fereshte]

I'm curious as to why you guys refer to it as a "parent" role.

Thank you, Shadowfey, I think you said it far better than I did.

Edward, the reason we see these actions as the "parent" role is because a parent can and will tell their child what is best for her/him, and then step in to ensure that what the parent feels is best is what happens. So a parent can tell a child who not to be friends with because the parent has the vantage point of wisdom, experience, and authority. The parent and child are not in equal roles (at least for as long as the child is not an adult). Once the child is an adult, the parent has to consider that the child now is in a position to make her own choices and suffer the consequences, no matter how much the parent may want to step in (within reason. Again, we're not talking about severe abuse).

For a "friend" to do this to another friend is to say "I have the vantage point of wisdoms, experience, and authority over you. We are not equal." The friend may mean well and may feel he/she is acting out of love, but it's severely overstepping, patronizing, and treating the other not as an equal. I may appreciate the sentiment but never the action.

[Warrl]

He tried to split up her and Alex--evidence that he is NOT selfless. He is not content to simply pine in the background. He has made moves to suggest otherwise.

Okay, THAT is it. I have been searching this comic for an entire hour for that god damn strip where Linda and Jon talk to each other and I, for the life of me, can not ****ing find it! What I have found is various instances of Jon being a friend, which I already knew, and doing it as a ****ing friend, putting that before his own desires.

Can pretty much be summed up here: http://cdn.candicomics.com/comics/20060106.jpg

From what I REMEMBER of the deal, he was doing it because it was for the best. NOBODY liked her boyfriend. ANY of them acting out against him would be to protect her because they CARE for her, Jon ALONG with everyone else. He was just easiest for Linda to enlist.

I don't feel like digging the page up right now either, but I reread that period in just the last couple days. Yeah, Jon was willing to work with Linda to break up Candi and Alex... until he started to get a feel for Linda's motives and methods, then he refused. Before actually *doing* anything toward that goal.

[LadyObvious23]

Also what he said to Jess in that strip was unwarranted bullshit that he knew was crossing the line. So yeah. Fuck Jon.

[Fereshte]

Jon knew what Linda was up to and didn't tell or warn Candi. In my opinion, that is still being an active participant.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

[edward18]

Also what he said to Jess in that strip was unwarranted bullshit that he knew was crossing the line. So yeah. Fuck Jon.

Nah, fuck you I'd say. You just say this crap cause you just hate Jon for some unknown reason. What he says to Jess pretty much shows that yes, he does put forth Candi's well-being over what he wants.

For a "friend" to do this to another friend is to say "I have the vantage point of wisdoms, experience, and authority over you. We are not equal."

And what if that IS the case?

The friend may mean well and may feel he/she is acting out of love, but it's severely overstepping, patronizing, and treating the other not as an equal. I may appreciate the sentiment but never the action.

I'd say that'd depend on the situation personally.

[Fereshte]

For a "friend" to do this to another friend is to say "I have the vantage point of wisdoms, experience, and authority over you. We are not equal."

And what if that IS the case?

Except it's not. Pretty much ever. Jon may have wisdom and experience (though in the comic he does not) and those qualities warrent him to offer advice and/or his opinion. What he does NOT have, is authority over Candi. He is not Candi's superior. She has never placed him in a position to make choices for her. If he percieves this, that is a very serious issue with him, born of either mysogony or a perverse "white knight" complex (which I would say also has an inherit sexism in it as well). Or perhaps he has delusions of grandeur or superiority. None of which any same girl wants in her friend.

[edward18]

Talkin' about in general here. Just cause we're all human doesn't mean some don't have knowledge and experience others do not which could be of service. If she was dating say, a serial killer, for instance and he knew but she kept refusing I'd say he, or anyone else, would have any right to take action against it.

[LadyObvious23]

Also what he said to Jess in that strip was unwarranted bullshit that he knew was crossing the line. So yeah. Fuck Jon.

Nah, fuck you I'd say. You just say this crap cause you just hate Jon for some unknown reason. What he says to Jess pretty much shows that yes, he does put forth Candi's well-being over what he wants.

EXCEPT NO HE DIDN'T AND HE KEPT FUCKING TRYING TO SPEAK FOR HER INSTEAD OF LETTING HER TALK FOR HERSELF LIKE HE WAS HER DAD.

I don't fucking like him because he never tries to get over her. Is creepily in love with someone who doesn't feel the same. And doesn't even try to! I have said this several times in the past and so have other people. You've just chosen to ignore it because people don't like the unhealthy way you think Jon should love Candi. I would like him more if he grew a spine,got over his crush and moved onto someone who would reciprocate his feelings.

[edward18]

EXCEPT NO HE DIDN'T AND HE KEPT FUCKING TRYING TO SPEAK FOR HER INSTEAD OF LETTING HER TALK FOR HERSELF LIKE HE WAS HER DAD.

Yeah, cause he cares about her. And I only really recall him "speaking" for her one time. When he was telling Alex not to bother after the breakup.

I don't fucking like him because he never tries to get over her.

What kind of reason is that not to like someone? I'd say that's a pretty damn honorable thing.

Is creepily in love with someone who doesn't feel the same.

1. How's it creepy?
2. Love ain't just something that you can "shut off". If you love someone you love someone, plain and simple, regardless of what they feel towards you. My brother may have had someone hold us up with a knife to try and get our money, but I still love him.

And doesn't even try to!

Except

1. Why would that matter?
2. He HAS tried. He HAS moved on at times. Didn't really work out with Rebecca, but he did value her enough to respect distancing himself from Candi for her. Neither Jon nor Candi I'm sure was very fond of that.

I have said this several times in the past and so have other people. You've just chosen to ignore it because people don't like the unhealthy way you think Jon should love Candi.

No, what I do is I don't agree with your way of thinking. I think it's pretty damn asinine at times. Just like quite a few of you probably think of me.

All in all though, NONE of our thoughts matter. It's Starline's comics and choices. She's the one in charge.

I would like him more if he grew a spine,got over his crush and moved onto someone who would reciprocate his feelings.

I fail to see how that'd be "growing a spine".

[LadyObvious23]

EXCEPT NO HE DIDN'T AND HE KEPT FUCKING TRYING TO SPEAK FOR HER INSTEAD OF LETTING HER TALK FOR HERSELF LIKE HE WAS HER DAD.

Yeah, cause he cares about her. And I only really recall him "speaking" for her one time. When he was telling Alex not to bother after the breakup.

I don't fucking like him because he never tries to get over her.

What kind of reason is that not to like someone? I'd say that's a pretty damn honorable thing.

Is creepily in love with someone who doesn't feel the same.

1. How's it creepy?
2. Love ain't just something that you can "shut off". If you love someone you love someone, plain and simple, regardless of what they feel towards you. My brother may have had someone hold us up with a knife to try and get our money, but I still love him.

And doesn't even try to!

Except

1. Why would that matter?
2. He HAS tried. He HAS moved on at times. Didn't really work out with Rebecca, but he did value her enough to respect distancing himself from Candi for her. Neither Jon nor Candi I'm sure was very fond of that.

I have said this several times in the past and so have other people. You've just chosen to ignore it because people don't like the unhealthy way you think Jon should love Candi.

No, what I do is I don't agree with your way of thinking. I think it's pretty damn asinine at times. Just like quite a few of you probably think of me.

All in all though, NONE of our thoughts matter. It's Starline's comics and choices. She's the one in charge.

I would like him more if he grew a spine,got over his crush and moved onto someone who would reciprocate his feelings.

I fail to see how that'd be "growing a spine".

HOW DON'T YOU SEE THIS AS UNHEALTHY? IT'LL END HORRIBLY! Candi deserves someone she's actually attracted to and not some creepy "Nice Guy" -_-


No he didn't care about her. He never treated her right. She was just a silver medal to him.


I said I want him to grow a spine,MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE. GROWING A SPINE AS IN FUCKING NOT BEING SUCH A FUCKING DOORMAT WITH PEOPLE.

[edward18]

HOW DON'T YOU SEE THIS AS UNHEALTHY?

I don't recall saying it wasn't unhealthy, but even then there's nothing to say it isn't healthy either.

IT'LL END HORRIBLY!

I take it you have seen the future?

Candi deserves someone she's actually attracted to and not some creepy "Nice Guy" -_-

Still have yet to see the creepiness factor, but she has shown before to have fantasized about him. And what's wrong with a nice guy? Being nice is a GOOD thing.

No he didn't care about her. He never treated her right. She was just a silver medal to him.


And you say I don't listen to people.

I said I want him to grow a spine,MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE. GROWING A SPINE AS IN FUCKING NOT BEING SUCH A FUCKING DOORMAT WITH PEOPLE.

He just does what he thinks is right. That ain't being a "doormat".

[LadyObvious23]

HOW DON'T YOU SEE THIS AS UNHEALTHY?

I don't recall saying it wasn't unhealthy, but even then there's nothing to say it isn't healthy either.

IT'LL END HORRIBLY!

I take it you have seen the future?

Candi deserves someone she's actually attracted to and not some creepy "Nice Guy" -_-

Still have yet to see the creepiness factor, but she has shown before to have fantasized about him. And what's wrong with a nice guy? Being nice is a GOOD thing.

No he didn't care about her. He never treated her right. She was just a silver medal to him.


And you say I don't listen to people.

I said I want him to grow a spine,MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE. GROWING A SPINE AS IN FUCKING NOT BEING SUCH A FUCKING DOORMAT WITH PEOPLE.

He just does what he thinks is right. That ain't being a "doormat".

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? HE'S PINING FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN'T INTERESTED IN HIM. IT'S UNHEALTHY.


A french dip isn't fantasizing. -_- "Nice Guys" are creeps who do that and believe women owe them something for being a friend.



He never treated Becca with respect. He. Never. Listened to her concerns. Or noticed how controlling she was when she forced him to have a date despite him hanging out with friends.


His whole relationship with Becca. He never stood up for himself or anything. He's like a jellyfish. No spine at all.

[edward18]

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? HE'S PINING FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN'T INTERESTED IN HIM. IT'S UNHEALTHY.

And again, wasn't talking about it being unhealthy or healthy.

A french dip isn't fantasizing

...going by the only thing I know of dips, something you flavor chips with isn't a fantasy to begin with...

-_- "Nice Guys" are creeps who do that and believe women owe them something for being a friend.


Well, first off, that ain't a nice guy. Secondly, that ain't Jon.

He never treated Becca with respect. He. Never. Listened to her concerns. Or noticed how controlling she was when she forced him to have a date despite him hanging out with friends.

Oh he went more out of his way than he should have to respect her with how she was acting. It wasn't a good relationship to begin with, but they tried to make it work until they realized that yeah, it wouldn't.

His whole relationship with Becca. He never stood up for himself or anything. He's like a jellyfish. No spine at all.

And if he'd continued hanging out with Candi and not did what Becca said you'd complain about him being a bad boyfriend or being that towards Candi.