"So I'm Thinking of Moving Out" - 12/29/2014

[Triple J]

Yes, Jon, please leave... get out of there, Candi's never going to be interested in you.

If it helps with his development, that'd be good, he needs to grow and develop, considering how bloody stunted he's become compared to everyone else.

[Sylvanaerie]

Yes, Jon, please leave... get out of there, Candi's never going to be interested in you.

If it helps with his development, that'd be good, he needs to grow and develop, considering how bloody stunted he's become compared to everyone else.

Not everyone else. Alex is worse.

But if moving out is good for him, I'm all for it. But does he have the money? Just how lucrative is this online wanking off porn thing he's doing?

[Wi1dfire]

1. How's it sad and disgusting?
2. No one said she'd have to know.

Okay, I'll take a stab at this one.

In and of itself, Jon pining for Candi for the rest of his life is just odd, not necessarily gross. Don't get me wrong, I find that image pretty gross, but that's a personal observation that not everyone will share. I will say this for his infatuation: he doesn't really make any moves that pressures Candi into liking him back, doesn't even so much as ask her out. That would be crossing the line.

And the reason it would cross the line is that many of us are acquainted with "that guy." That guy that has tried to be your friend, in hopes that if he is only patient enough, he could be the one to date you some day. That holds in his feelings, never really pushing the envelope, until in a vulnerable moment they try to tell you that, hey, your boyfriend is a jerk and I would be much better for you, because I love you. That moment is enshrined by many a romance and teen movie, but like many things in stories is pretty creepy and terrible in real life. Like, was he ever really my friend, or was he just playing a long game to get in my pants? If he's lying about this one thing, what else has he lied to me about? Does he think I owe him for all this time he's invested in me? Because quite a few examples of "that guy" DO in fact think you owe them. Is there a way to let him down easy when he's already so emotionally invested that declarations of love seem appropriate? Its just an awkward mess for everyone involved, and the few times I've dealt with 'that guy" (who come in all sexualities and genders, btw) I've had to torpedo the friendship entirely. Which is kind of weird for me, because I get along just fine with all my exes, but I want nothing to do with these creeps.

[edward18]

Love doesn't mean he expects to ever have sex with them.

[ShadeTail]

Okay, I'll take a stab at this one.

No point to that, it's all been explained to him before. He (apparently) thinks that being an emotionally-stunted loser who refuses to let someone go and move on is "romantic". I can't tell whether he actually believes that or is just trolling everyone, but either way, it's useless to encourage him to be sensible about it.

[ailorn]

And what does that do for him?
Displays his love.

What good does it do to display his love? There are instances where it doesn't ring true for Candi.

Does that give him a full, happy life?
Probably not.

Kinda seems sad to want a favorite character to not have a full happy life, but to live a life with more suffering. I dont think suffering through life would prove that his love is most true. Especially compared to a mutual relationship where she and her partner (or he and someone else) develop and grow and live their life together. Living his life on the sidelines watching her and everyone else live fully seems so sad and a waste. He deserves more than that.

Jon's not my favorite character but he's not a bad guy.
How would loving Candi make him bad?

The previous poster doesn't think Jon is a bad guy. Loving Candi doesn't make him a bad person. It does make him a bad friend (which is what i think many of us other readers are responding to). As Wi1dfire said it taints the whole friendship. He is her friend just so it does something for him. It means his primary motivation for doing anything for her or with her is to get her to reciprocate his feelings and eventually repay his patience and pain with love and affection. Love is only repaid with love and without her feeling the same he may ultimately be left feeling resentful, used, and betrayed. A good friendship is one where people both give and take for each other's benefit, and are at times selfless. Jon can never be truly selfless for Candi because he pines for her. He wants her, and does things to first get her to want him back and secondly to be her friend. His pining is not selfless because it does not help Candi in anyway, only himself. Candi doesn't want Jon to live in pain, but Jon gets to delude himself into thinking his pain is selfless and proves he really loves her. Candi as a true friend wants Jon to be happy even if she doesn't get anything out of it or loses out because of it (such as when she backs off because it was harming his relationship with Becca).

He deserves to at least have a chance to have a woman love and appreciate him back.
What if he doesn't love her as much as he does Candi?

How do you know he wont love her as much as he does Candi? He would be able to love someone deeply, if in a different way if he could let go of his one sided feelings. Every time someone falls in love it is different. You never have the same love twice, but love grows and changes over time. There isn't just one person for anyone, we can fall in love many times in many ways. There is nothing to say that a companion-ate love where you share a life without big ups and downs or excitement is of any less value than a passionate love with extreme highs and lows that may burn out faster. The important thing for a relationship to work is that both people want it and work at it.

As it is, Jon's feelings for Candi are less about love and more about infatuation. Jon is in love with the idea of Candi and what she represents to him rather than who she is as a whole person, flaws and all. There are many times where Jon will say something to the effect of "No, Candi isn't like that" and he is sometimes right and sometimes wrong. The problem with this is by idealizing her he sabotages both of them. Just like a new relationship with a different girl wont seem to measure up to his ideal of Candi, the reality of who Candi is can never measure up to the perfect ideal of her he has in his head. If they were to get together then she would disappoint him, or he would have to constantly delude himself or strongly encourage her to stay just the way he wants her to be. By never acting on his attraction for her he gets to keep her as the unattainable ideal, and he never has to challenge himself or grow as a person. Problem is, the things that never change are things that are dead or were never alive. It is incredibly heartbreaking to me to see someone refuse to live their life or follow through on their potential in life for a dream. As messy and painful life is, its better to live than dream your life away(to me). For him to truly be happy in any relationship he needs to let go of his fantasy of an idealized Candi.

I may be repeating myself and going on too much, and you may not understand or be ready to accept this. I think you cause yourself to suffer in the same way that we have been talking about Jon. Jon is a fictional character and his story will be what it will be, but you, edward18 are real person and capable of directing the course of your life and making changes; and I want for you to heal and grow from your idealization of one sided idealization of true love. I don't want you to live a life of suffering if any of this could alleviate some of it.

[Attalus]

2. No one said she'd have to know.

"Love and a cough cannot be hid." - George Herbert

[edward18]

What good does it do to display his love? There are instances where it doesn't ring true for Candi.


Him staying loyal to the person he loves.

Kinda seems sad to want a favorite character to not have a full happy life, but to live a life with more suffering.

Didn't say he'd have to suffer, but even then, I doubt I have a favorite character in this series. All of em have pretty big downsides in their own ways.

Living his life on the sidelines watching her and everyone else live fully seems so sad and a waste.

And love ^_^

It does make him a bad friend (which is what i think many of us other readers are responding to).

Loving someone ain't bad.

He is her friend just so it does something for him.

And where do you get that from?

It means his primary motivation for doing anything for her or with her is to get her to reciprocate his feelings and eventually repay his patience and pain with love and affection.

Says who? He's her friend because he loves her. Doesn't mean he has some ulterior motive.

Love is only repaid with love and without her feeling the same he may ultimately be left feeling resentful, used, and betrayed.

May.

Jon can never be truly selfless for Candi because he pines for her.

How's that mean he isn't selfless? I'm sure he'd give his life for her knowing there'd be no way of her repaying him and he'd be just fine with that.

He wants her, and does things to first get her to want him back and secondly to be her friend.

Other way around.

His pining is not selfless because it does not help Candi in anyway, only himself.

Considering he was kinda the one that saved her life during the whole Carnival thing if I remember right (him being the one to worry about her missing).

How do you know he wont love her as much as he does Candi?

Doesn't really answer my question. What IF he doesn't love her as much as Candi? What IF that isn't possible for him?

if in a different way if he could let go of his one sided feelings.

And if that ain't possible?...

There isn't just one person for anyone,

I doubt that.

As it is, Jon's feelings for Candi are less about love and more about infatuation. Jon is in love with the idea of Candi and what she represents to him rather than who she is as a whole person, flaws and all.

Except that they're best friends. He knows her. He doesn't have to have an idea of her. He loves her.

There are many times where Jon will say something to the effect of "No, Candi isn't like that" and he is sometimes right and sometimes wrong.

ANYBODY does that.

Just like a new relationship with a different girl wont seem to measure up to his ideal of Candi, the reality of who Candi is can never measure up to the perfect ideal of her he has in his head.

Which is who she is...

If they were to get together then she would disappoint him, or he would have to constantly delude himself or strongly encourage her to stay just the way he wants her to be.

Very unlikely.

It is incredibly heartbreaking to me to see someone refuse to live their life or follow through on their potential in life for a dream.

It's incredibly honorable and respectable to me.

Jon is a fictional character and his story will be what it will be, but you, edward18 are real person and capable of directing the course of your life and making changes; and I want for you to heal and grow from your idealization of one sided idealization of true love. I don't want you to live a life of suffering if any of this could alleviate some of it.

Well while that is appreciated I accepted quite a while ago that I'll probably be alone and pining forever.

"Love and a cough cannot be hid." - George Herbert

No idea who that is, but he is lying big-time.

[Fereshte]

"Love and a cough cannot be hid." - George Herbert

No idea who that is, but he is lying big-time.

Actually, not a lie at all. People know when someone is pining after them. Candi knows. Most women would know. If she pretends not to know, it's only to make the situation less awkward. She pretends to not know so that the relationship can stay the same, without confrontation of reality, and without having to feel the emotional oppression of both parties knowing one is pining after the other. For her (or him, whomever is being pined after), it's a difficult situation than can sometimes be painful. She/he may feel sad they can't give more or that they're causing their friend pain. The longer the pining goes on, the harder she/he has to fake that she/he doesn't know. But she/he knows. Just like Candi does.

Jon is not as selfless as you hope him to be. He does want more from Candi. And when she doesn't match his view of her or her desires for herself doesn't match his, he lashes out. He tries to block contact between her and Alex. He tries to make choices for her. He tried to split up her and Alex--evidence that he is NOT selfless. He is not content to simply pine in the background. He has made moves to suggest otherwise.

[edward18]

If you want to hide you love and actually put effort into it, no. The other person will not know.

He tries to block contact between her and Alex.

Because he's her friend -_-

He tries to make choices for her.

As many friends would.

He tried to split up her and Alex--evidence that he is NOT selfless. He is not content to simply pine in the background. He has made moves to suggest otherwise.

Okay, THAT is it. I have been searching this comic for an entire hour for that god damn strip where Linda and Jon talk to each other and I, for the life of me, can not ****ing find it! What I have found is various instances of Jon being a friend, which I already knew, and doing it as a ****ing friend, putting that before his own desires.

Can pretty much be summed up here: http://cdn.candicomics.com/comics/20060106.jpg

From what I REMEMBER of the deal, he was doing it because it was for the best. NOBODY liked her boyfriend. ANY of them acting out against him would be to protect her because they CARE for her, Jon ALONG with everyone else. He was just easiest for Linda to enlist. If he ended up with Candi that was a plus, but it wouldn't be his main reason to do so. He'd never try to break her up with somebody that she cares about simply just to try and be with her.

Now my apologies, but I just would rather have not wasted that hour. I was planning on working on some animation. Also, dear god Starline was really crappy at drawing earlier on in the comics. Still has a ways to go, but it's so much nicer on the eyes now.

And for some reason, I just never get tired of this one: http://cdn.candicomics.com/comics/20100517.jpg

[MorrisCat]

Someone Else: He tried to split up her and Alex--evidence that he is NOT selfless. He is not content to simply pine in the background. He has made moves to suggest otherwise.

Okay, THAT is it. I have been searching this comic for an entire hour for that god damn strip where Linda and Jon talk to each other and I, for the life of me, can not ****ing find it! What I have found is various instances of Jon being a friend, which I already knew, and doing it as a ****ing friend, putting that before his own desires.

Can pretty much be summed up here: http://cdn.candicomics.com/comics/20060106.jpg

From what I REMEMBER of the deal, he was doing it because it was for the best. NOBODY liked her boyfriend. ANY of them acting out against him would be to protect her because they CARE for her, Jon ALONG with everyone else. He was just easiest for Linda to enlist. If he ended up with Candi that was a plus, but it wouldn't be his main reason to do so. He'd never try to break her up with somebody that she cares about simply just to try and be with her.

Now my apologies, but I just would rather have not wasted that hour. I was planning on working on some animation. Also, dear god Starline was really crappy at drawing earlier on in the comics. Still has a ways to go, but it's so much nicer on the eyes now.

And for some reason, I just never get tired of this one: http://cdn.candicomics.com/comics/20100517.jpg

I think the conversation you wanted starts here I will add that you are right, John says "No" to Linda's plan here. Now he did nothing to stop what was happening nor did he warn Candi about the betrayal - but he was not an active participant.

Also, great strip! I love the expressions in each panel.

[Triple J]

Yes, Jon, please leave... get out of there, Candi's never going to be interested in you.

If it helps with his development, that'd be good, he needs to grow and develop, considering how bloody stunted he's become compared to everyone else.

Not everyone else. Alex is worse.

But if moving out is good for him, I'm all for it. But does he have the money? Just how lucrative is this online wanking off porn thing he's doing?

Damn, you know, I'd forgotten all about Alex! Goes to show how low he is on my list...

Although I think he stopped the online wanking thing after his girlfriend found out, so I'm not sure what kind of income he has, if any. I do know it's not cheap, plus he's still going to college so having an income as well as attending classes would be really difficult.

Still, I think this would be the best for him. Maybe some distance from Candi will give him some much needed perspective and he'll grow and develop.

[Fereshte]

I'm sorry, Edward, but you and I have very, very, very different opinions on what friends should be. It is not a friends place to step in-between a relationship just because "no one likes" her boyfriend. It's not a friends place to do what he thinks it best for his friend--as if she were a child and can't come to her own conclusions. A friend would talk with Candi, express his worries and concerns, and try to talk sense in to her. But that's it. Anything else is intrusive and meddling. It's also treating Candi like a child. That's not one thinking like a friend but one thinking he is superior to Candi. Unless this was a matter of serious abuse (at which point it would be the police one should call or some similar kind of professional help), then a friend shouldn't take it upon him/herself to try to come between a relationship or other friendships.

[edward18]

And I think they should if they feel it's right to. They're only looking out for the other person. Has nothing to do with treating someone like a child.

[Fereshte]

And I think they should if they feel it's right to. They're only looking out for the other person. Has nothing to do with treating someone like a child.

That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. But if I ever had a "friend" like that, I would drop them in a hot second. I expect my friends to treat me like an equal and like an adult. Come talk to me. Express your opinion. But I'm a highly capable and accomplished woman. I don't need any "friend" trying to make choices for me or stepping in-between things because they're "looking out" for me. It reeks of said friend thinking "I know better" which means they would be treating me like a child. Like they know better than me, that their opinion is more valid than mine, that they think they need to handle things for me. I don't need "friends" like that. My parents aren't even allowed to do that anymore. My husband wouldn't even try to do that.